Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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