We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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