he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
