I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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