Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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