I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
