i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
