the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
