i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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