She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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