shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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