At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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