when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
