What did we do last night that was yellow?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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