Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So. Much. Porn.
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