I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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