I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
