Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
