At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
