We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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