Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
