Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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