called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
