So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
