She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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