In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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