I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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