I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
