so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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