Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm both gender and math confused
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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