why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
