I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
