i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
