every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
