I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
