it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i need some magic done to my vagina
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
