I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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