I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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