I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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