They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
