she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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