FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize