I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
