I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
