There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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