i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
