I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
