Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hippo gnu deer
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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