Rock
Scissors
Fuck
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
