i just google imaged poop.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
