So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
