i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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