wanna go halves on a baby?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
