six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
