OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
