Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
