just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
