oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
