just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
