Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
