Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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