Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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