drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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