I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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